


I'm Here Without You Baby, But You're Still On My Lonely Mind

by senioritastyles



Series: Lynn's Fics [7]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cashton, Fluff, Jealous Calum, M/M, Super Emo, all the feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 08:49:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senioritastyles/pseuds/senioritastyles
Summary: Calum couldn’t exactly describe what he was feeling watching the videos and looking at the pictures of Ashton and Luke spending time together. He’s not entirely opposed to them hanging around each other, obviously otherwise the band wouldn’t be a sustainable thing, but what bothers him is how affectionate Luke is with Ashton and how receptive and even encouraging Ashton is of that behavior.Or: Calum is away from Ashton and Ashton is with Luke.





	I'm Here Without You Baby, But You're Still On My Lonely Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [social_reject](https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/gifts).



> (title is from Here Without You by 3 Doors Down)

Calum couldn’t exactly describe what he was feeling watching the videos and looking at the pictures of Ashton and Luke spending time together. He’s not entirely opposed to them hanging around each other, obviously otherwise the band wouldn’t be a sustainable thing, but what bothers him is how affectionate Luke is with Ashton and how receptive and even encouraging Ashton is of that behavior. It bothers Calum to no end, the way Luke will move himself closer to Ashton and the older boy will subsequently throw an arm around him and pull him closer and it’s that kind of stuff that Calum is currently watching unfold on the screen of his phone while he’s a good three hours away at Coachella with Mitchy. It’s driving Calum insane to be stuck away from his boyfriend when his boyfriend is hanging around with Luke and his family like they’ve just gotten engaged or something.

 

Calum knows he can’t do much about it, but it doesn’t stop the jealousy from bubbling up and spilling all over his good time at the festival, soaking everything in a grey-ish light no matter how sunny the sky says it is. It all seems duller, quieter, as Calum tries to drown the thoughts of Ashton and Luke in the over-priced drinks at the tent Mitchy dragged him to. He’s glad they’re going home tomorrow afternoon because he doesn’t think he could handle another day living on edge like this, he just simply couldn’t. Not when it’s already weighing him down to even remember Ashton’s name right now. 

 

“You know he would never do anything, Calum.” Mitchy mumbles, nursing the scant remains of his second margarita and not daring to actually look at Calum’s face even though he can tell there’s a scowl on it. 

 

“I never said I didn’t trust him.” Calum fires back, knocking back the rest of his fourth beer. “What I said is I don’t like it.”

 

Mitchy sighs and he can’t stop himself from turning his body to the side and looking at Calum this time. “Cal, I get it okay, but you can’t just sit here worrying about Ashton sitting next to Luke on a couch or standing next to him outside. They’re friends, Calum, best friends, and that doesn’t change just because you’re not there to supervise or to hold Ashton’s hand when he’s next to Luke.”

 

Calum knows somewhere in the back of his mind that Mitchy is entirely right, but he doesn’t know how to explain that he completely trusts Ashton and Luke and yet is still jealous and doesn’t like them being together one bit while Calum’s not there. It’s a conundrum and not even Calum can figure it out entirely; all he knows is that it doesn’t feel nice and all he wants to do is get back to LA and be with Ashton so he can stop feeling like this. It’s a welcome distraction when Mitchy pulls him up off the ground of the tent and yanks him towards a writhing crowd of waiting people in front of a huge stage, music soon blaring as the artist comes out and Calum isn’t able to hear himself think anymore between the screaming and singing of the crowd. He knows the jealousy is nagging at him still, knows it’ll be there until he gets home tomorrow, but right now he’s trying his hardest to not even remember it exists, which is why he slips away and buys himself not one but two more beers and downs them both.

 

\-----------

 

The sunlight streaming in from the window is entirely unwelcome in the midst of a pounding headache and sensitive eyes. Calum doesn’t even want to think about getting up, his stomach turning and gurgling dangerously and the spinning of his head threatening to send him to the floor of the bathroom. He knew he’d regret drinking so much yesterday but he wanted to have fun and he wanted to forget about what was going on in LA badly enough that he’d been willing to risk the massive hangover he’s got now, although now that he’s here he wishes he’d thought better of it. 

 

“How ya doin’ champ?” Mitchy asks from the other bed in the small hotel room, sitting shirtless on top of the covers with his phone in his hands and his hair sticking up in every direction. 

 

Calum makes a noise in the back of his throat that he hopes conveys exactly how this champ is doin’ without having to open his mouth for fear of unwillingly vomiting everywhere. Mitchy snorts in response, glancing at Calum’s face for half a second and shaking his head at what he sees before looking away. Calum flips him off with absolutely zero passion, zero venom because he doesn’t have the capacity to feel anything but sick and tired and he’s also a little bit afraid that if he moves too quickly or with too much vigor that he’ll end up in a pile of regurgitated alcohol and cheap pizza. 

 

“We have to check out soon.” Mitchy announces through a yawn, prompting Calum to look at the clock on the small table between the beds, noting that he’s got about half an hour before check out time and that it’s just not physically possible for him to get up and get ready to leave that quickly without dying. 

 

He makes another sound and decides to chance it, slowly but surely hoisting himself up first onto his hands and knees and giving it a minute before he shuffles to the side and carefully puts his bare feet on the tough carpet floor. His stomach sloshes and his head reels but he holds himself together well enough to scuffle to the mini fridge where they stored bottles of water, opening one up and savagely downing the entire thing in one fell swoop. Calum’s stomach settles marginally, just enough for him to feel comfortable packing up his small suitcase as Mitchy does the same. The check and re-check the room to make sure they didn’t forget anything anywhere before grabbing their tiny envelope with both key cards and hustling out the door of the room. They make it to check out with five minutes to spare, handing in their cards and lugging their bags to the fourth floor of the parking garage where Mitchy’s SUV is waiting for them. 

 

The drive home is fast until they hit typical LA traffic, the slowly moving vehicle giving Calum time to remember why he’d alcohol-ed himself into oblivion yesterday. It comes back to him simply as “Ashton” and it’s enough to have him overwhelmed almost immediately with jealous and maybe a little sadness too. Jealousy at how much fun he’d seen Ashton and Luke have together yesterday all over social media, and sadness that he couldn’t be part of it. So many other reasons flood his mind as they inch along the road, making slow turns and fast stops at traffic lights that change too frequently. All he can think of is Ashton. Seeing Ashton, kissing Ashton, holding Ashton, never letting go of Ashton. He hates when they’re apart and yet he does it to himself constantly. He feels like his heart skips four beats when they finally turn onto his street, all feelings of sickness and sadness melting with every square foot of road they cover, knowing Ashton is waiting for him in the second to last house on the right. Mitchy turns into the driveway and it takes all of Calum’s willpower not to throw himself out of the car with his bag in his hand and break right through the door rather than waste time unlocking it. 

 

“Thanks for coming man. I know it was spur of the moment and it wasn’t easy for you but I’m glad you came with me.” Mitchy says, offering Calum a soft smile and knocking his fist against Calum’s arm.

 

Calum nods. “Thanks for inviting me, Mitch.” He says, genuinely thankful and he does his best to convey that without sounding impatient or rushed or forced. 

 

To emphasize his point he leans over and dramatically smacks a wet kiss on Mitchy’s face, giggling at the disgusted sound his best friend makes as he wipes at the wet patch on his cheek. “Gross dude!” Mitchy laughs, wiping the slobber on Calum’s jeans. “I love you but not that much.”

 

Calum laughs harder and shakes his head, ruffling Mitchy’s hair before pushing the car door open and hopping out, shutting it after him and swinging around to open the trunk and grab his bag, waving to Mitchy as he walks towards the front door of his and Ashton’s shared home. He fishes the keys from the front pocket of his bag and unlocks both the deadbolt and the handle and lets himself inside. He sets his bag down and shuts the door and immediately hears footsteps coming from the direction of the kitchen. His entire chest flutters when Ashton comes barreling around the corner wearing nothing but his glasses and low slung sweatpants that are more than likely Calum’s. Ashton’s smaller body hits Calum’s with a thud and his arms wrap around the younger boy’s waist as Calum’s go for Ashton’s shoulders, both squeezing each other tightly. 

 

“Missed you babe.” Ashton mumbles, his face buried in the crook of Calum’s neck. 

 

Calum holds Ashton even tighter in response, afraid of what he might say if he tries to say anything back to that. He doesn’t want to cause drama or say the wrong thing or upset Ashton at all in any way, but he did miss Ashton and he pours that feeling into the embrace, knowing that the older boy is in tune enough with him that he’ll pick up on it easily. But just as easily as Ashton can feel how much Calum missed him, he can feel that something is off about it, there’s something under the surface and he knows that pressing the issue is a sure way to make Calum close himself off but he also knows that if he doesn’t Calum will never say a thing about what’s wrong.

 

Ashton pulls his face away first and then his body, placing a hand on either side of Calum’s face. “What’s the matter?”

 

Calum tenses up for a fraction of a second and then relaxes, and normally he’d play it off and deny that there was something wrong but he just didn’t have the energy to put up a fight this time. “Just…..it makes me jealous, how much time you spend with Luke when I’m not here. Seems like you can’t wait to hang out with him, like you’re just waiting around for me to leave so you can be with Luke.”

 

Ashton steps back at that, blinking slowly at Calum in surprise as he tries to fully process what his boyfriend is saying. “You don’t think…..you don’t think I’m cheating on you with Luke, right Calum?”

 

“No, I don’t.” Calum answers immediately and simply, back to the conundrum of unexplainable jealousy. 

 

Ashton shakes his head and bites his lip, visibly working to understand as he looks into Calum’s eyes. “Calum you don’t have a reason to be jealous, baby. If you know I’m not cheating then what is it?”

 

Calum shrugs but the look on Ashton’s face says he’s not accepting that at all. “I just, I know how close you and Luke are and how much fun you two have together and when I don’t get to be part of it I feel….weird. Jealous that someone else makes you smile like that.”

 

The older boy gets it now, gets what Calum is trying to explain, and it makes him feel a little bit bad that Calum has clearly been upset about this enough times that it’s become a full blown issue for him. Ashton takes a second to decide what to do about this, options running through his head faster than he can even comprehend them but he knows that he for sure needs to show Calum that he makes him happier than anyone else ever could. 

 

“Cal, baby….come here.” Ashton prompts softly, pulling the younger boy by the hand towards the living room and sitting him gently on the sofa. “Baby, no matter how much fun I have with Luke or anyone else for that matter, they’ll never be you, okay? They’ll never kiss me or hold me or know exactly what I need before I even know what I need. They’ll never look at me the way you do or treat me the way you do. No one can do things to me the way you do, Calum.” Ashton explains, pushing at Calum’s warm chest until the younger boy is laid on his back along the length of the sofa, straddling Calum’s waist and leaning down to press soft kisses all over Calum’s face, saving his lips for last. “No one has lips as kissable as yours, or a jawline as perfect for leaving hickeys on as yours.” He insists, sucking a small pink mark into the slight scruff near Calum’s chin. “No one else has arms that are strong enough to hold me down the way I like,” He says, kissing each of Calum’s biceps, “or hands that seem to fit every spot on my body so perfectly.” 

 

Ashton kisses each of Calum’s palms, drawing a contented sigh from the brown eyed boy. “Ash…”

 

Ashton shushes Calum quickly, moving on to kiss each finger on both hands, speaking in between each. “Fingers that know exactly how to please me, reach every spot no one else can reach, touch all the right places.” Calum shivers and his eyes slip shut as Ashton moves his attention to Calum’s torso, pushing the white t-shirt up until it catches under Calum’s arms and exposing the younger boy’s chest and stomach. “A body that makes me weak at the knees every time I even think about it.” Ashton breathes, kissing in a zig-zagged line all the way down to the waistband of Calum’s jeans, placing a few quick and feather-light kisses along the outline of the younger boy’s dick, smirking when he stops and looks up. “That one is self explanatory.”   
  


Calum giggles adorably and he tries to fight off the way his cheeks flush a brilliant red. “You’re ridiculous, Ashton.” 

 

“I’m just trying to make you understand that there are things only you and I can do together, things I only ever wanna do with you for the rest of forever. Things only you can make me feel and it doesn’t matter how many times I smile when I’m with Luke or how many times I laugh with Michael or how many times Mitchy and I end up half-drunk snuggling on a couch somewhere. The only thing that matters is that you make me smile harder and laugh harder and feel more love and affection than alcohol and a good night out could ever make me feel. You’re the one I always come home to no matter what, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

 

Calum feels like he might cry at the sincerity and the love in Ashton’s voice, in his face, in the way he’s gripping both of Calum’s hands like individual life-lines. “Baby….”

 

“I love  _ you _ , Calum, in a way I could never love anyone else, and I don’t want you to be away from me feeling horrible the whole time because you can’t see that for what it is.” Ashton finishes, pressing his forehead against Calum’s and placing another tender kiss on his lips. “Please tell me you understand now.”

 

Calum keeps his eyes closed as Ashton keeps kissing him delicately, finding words between each one. “I under…..stand now….Ashton.” He breathes, the older boy finally pulling away. “And I love you too.”

  
Ashton smiles and it’s soft, easy, like sunlight early on a summer morning; like waking up to the sound of the waves when Calum didn’t even know the ocean was nearby. 

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings my fellow Earth dwellers. I am here today to present to you the most emo of emo Cashton fics because why the hell not ya know? I was in the mood, Lynn got me inspired, and here it is based on probably entirely true events because we all know Calum's a jealous fucker and Lashton have been alive lately so yeah. Please enjoy and leave feedback below and I love you all <3
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: senioritastyles & babyhemhem  
> twitter: xtraceex  
> instagram: traceethekid  
> snapchat: youngtray


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